The old monk sat by the side of the road. With his eyes closed, his legs crossed and his hands folded in his lap, he sat. In deep meditation he sat.
VOLUME FOURTEEN
Difficult situations often bring out qualities in us that otherwise might not have risen to the surface, such as courage, faith, and our need for one another. All of our experiences can help us to grow.
But we may need patience. Some wounds cannot be healed quickly. They must be
given time. In the meantime, we can appreciate the new capabilities we are
developing, such as the capacity to mourn and the willingness to accept.
Let us share our losses and triumphs with each other, for that is how we
gather courage.
(From Courage to Change: One Day at A Time in Al-Anon II, page 77)
"Because we become frightened as soon as a difficult mind state blows into the mind, we start to fight with it. We try to change it, or we try to get rid of it. The frenzy of the struggle makes the mind state even more unpleasant.
"The familiar image is a children's cartoon character, like Daffy Duck, walking along freely and suddenly stepping into taffy. In a hasty, awkward attempt to extricate himself, he might fall forward and backward and eventually be totally stuck in the taffy. Even children see a better solution.
"The best solution would be the nonalarmed recognition, 'This is taffy. I
didn't see it as I stepped into it, but I felt it after I got stuck. It's
just taffy. The whole world is not made out of taffy. What would be a wise
thing for me to do now?'"
(from It's Easier Than You Think: The Buddhist Way to Happiness, by Sylvia Boorstein, page 71. Published by Harper San Francisco)
The old monk sat by the side of the road. With his eyes closed, his legs
crossed and his hands folded in his lap, he sat. In deep meditation he sat.
Suddenly his zazen was interrupted by the harsh and demanding voice of a samurai warrior. "Old man! Teach me about heaven and hell!"
At first, as though he had not heard, there was no perceptible response from the monk. But gradually he began to open his eyes, the faintest hint of a smile playing around the corners of his mouth as the samurai stood there, waiting impatiently, growing more and more agitated with each passing second.
"You wish to know the secrets of heaven and hell?" replied the monk at last. "You who are so unkempt. You whose hands and feet are covered with dirt. You whose hair is uncombed, whose breath is foul, whose sword is all rusty and neglected. You who are ugly and whose mother dresses you funny. You would ask me of heaven and hell?"
The samurai uttered a vile curse. He drew his sword and raised it high over his head. His face turned to crimson, and the veins of his neck stood out in bold relief as he prepared to sever the monk's head from its shoulders.
"That is hell," said the old monk gently, just as the sword began its descent.
In that fraction of a second, the samurai was overcome with amazement, awe, compassion and love for this gentle being who had dared to risk his very life to give him such a teaching. He stopped his sword in mid-flight and his eyes filled with grateful tears.
"And that," said the monk, "is heaven."
(From A Third Serving of Chicken Soup for the Soul, by Jack Canfield
and Mark Victor Hansen. )
Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. The hearts of a great many have
already been exposed to inner peace and it is possible that people everywhere
could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious
threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in
the world.
Some signs and symptoms of inner peace:
The Rules for Being Human
(Author unknown)
After awhile you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to understand that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head held high and your eyes wide open.
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
You learn to build your roads
On today because tomorrow's ground
Is too uncertain for plans, and futures have
A way of falling down in midflight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate
Your own soul, instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure,
That you really are strong.
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...and you learn
With every goodbye you learn.
Veronica A. Shoffstall
If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, she learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame, she learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, she learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, she learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, she learns to like herself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
(Author unknown)
"Self-criticism or self-judgment is self-hatred. It will always hurt you. There is no exception to that."
"One definition of insanity is to do something for twenty years that has not worked, and then do it again as if it will work."
"To see what you are not is most important. Then what you are will naturally emerge."
"The goal of a good therapist is to help someone wake up from the bad dream that they are their self-image."
"Your thoughts come automatically. It is to the extent you identify with them that they make you their slave. You become the mistress of your thoughts, not when you can control the machine, but when you do not identify with it."
"Emotion will not drive you crazy. What will drive you crazy is the fear of emotion."
"If I make a mistake, I will die."
"I don't have time to feel what I am feeling, because I have to figure it all out."
"I have to get where I go by suffering."
"When I start to feel good, I must remember to feel bad, because I didn't feel good before."
"Because my mother withheld intimacy from me when I was small, I cannot offer intimacy for the rest of my life."
"If I leave him, I'll die."
"I can't be happy, because if I allow myself to be happy, I might be humiliated."
"I must earn and deserve every good thing I get."
"The only man who behaved sensibly was my tailor; he took my measurement anew
every time he saw me, while all the rest went on with their old measurements
and expected them to fit me."
(George Bernard Shaw)
A Prayer for Peace, Growth, and Recovery
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred...let me sow love.
Where there is injury...pardon.
Where there is doubt...faith.
Where there is despair...hope.
Where there is darkness...light
Where there is sadness...joy.
Oh Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled...as to console.
To be understood...as to understand.
To be loved...as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
(by St. Francis of Assissi)
Excerpts from: "The Awakening of Intelligence" by J. Krishnamurti
Krishnamurti never looked back on his own work to select one talk or dialogue as embodying all that he had been communicating during the course of sixty years. Instead, he viewed every occasion that he spoke publicly as having its own unique unfoldment, and he approached his audiences without notes or preconceptions as to what he would say or what they might ask. It is therefore impossible to present any one talk or dialogue as definitive, yet this book would be incomplete without the inclusion of an uninterrupted session with Krishnamurti. The following is a talk and dialogue held by Krishnamurti in 1971 in New York City.
I would like to talk about relationship, about what love is, about human existence in which is involved our daily living, the problems one has, the conflicts, the pleasures and the fears, and that most extraordinary thing one calls death.
I think one has to understand, not as a theory, not as a speculative, entertaining concept, but rather as an actual fact — that we are the world and the world is us. The world is each one of us; to feel that, to be really committed to it and to nothing else, brings about a feeling of great responsibility and an action that must not be fragmentary, but whole.
I think we are apt to forget that our society, the culture in which we live, which has conditioned us, is the result of human endeavor, conflict, human misery and suffering. Each one of us is that culture; the community is each one of us — we are not separate from it. To feel this, not as an intellectual idea or a concept, but to actually feel the reality of this, one has to go into the question of what is relationship; because our life, our existence, is based on relationship. Life is a movement in relationship. If we do not understand what is implied in relationship, we inevitably not only isolate ourselves, but create a society in which human beings are divided, not only nationally, religiously, but also in themselves and therefore they project what they are into the outer world.
I do not know if you have gone into this question deeply for yourself, to find out if one can live with another in total harmony, in complete accord, so that there is no barrier, no division, but a feeling of complete unity. Because relationship means to be related — not in action, not in some project, not in an ideology — but to be totally united in the sense that the division, the fragmentation between individuals, between two human beings, does not exist at all at any level.
Unless one finds this relationship, it seems to me that when we try to bring order in the world, theoretically or technologically, we are bound to create not only deep divisions between man and man, but also we shall be unable to prevent corruption. Corruption begins in the lack of relationship; I think that is the root of corruption. Relationship as we know it now is the continuation of division between individuals. The root meaning of that word individual means "indivisible". A human being who is in himself not divided, not fragmented, is really an individual. But most of us are not individuals; we think we are, and therefore there is the opposition of the individual to the community. One has to understand not only the meaning of that word individuality in the dictionary sense, but in that deep sense in which there is no fragmentation at all. That means perfect harmony between the mind, the heart and the physical organism. Only then an individuality exists.
If we examine our present relationship with each other closely, be it intimate or superficial, deep or passing, we see it fragmented. Wife or husband, boy or girl, each lives in his own ambition, in personal and egotistic pursuits, in his own cocoon. All these contribute to the factor of bringing about an image in himself and therefore his relationship with another is through that image, therefore there is no actual relationship.
I do not know if you are aware of the structure and the nature of this image that one has built around oneself and in oneself. Each person is doing this all the time, and how can there be a relationship with another, if there is that personal drive, envy, competition, greed and all the rest of those things which are sustained and exaggerated in modern society? How can there be relationship with another, if each one of us is pursuing his own personal achievement, his own personal success?
I do not know if one is at all aware of this. We are so conditioned that we accept it as the norm, as the pattern of life, that each one must pursue his own particular idiosyncrasy or tendency, and yet try to establish a relationship with another in spite of this. Isn’t that what we are all doing? You may be married and you go to the office or to the factory; whatever you are doing during the whole of the day, you pursue that. And your wife is in her house, with her own troubles, with her own vanities, with all that happens. Where is the relationship between those two human beings? Is it in bed, in sex? Is a relationship so superficial, so limited, so circumscribed, not in itself corruption?
One may ask: how then are you to live, if you do not go to the office, pursue your own particular ambition, your own desire to achieve and to attain? If one does not do any of this, what is one to do? I think that is a wrong question altogether, don’t you? Because we are concerned, are we not, in bringing about a radical change in the whole structure of the mind. The crisis is not in the outer world, but in consciousness itself. And until we understand this crisis, not superficially, not according to some philosopher, but actually deeply understand it for ourselves by looking into it and examining it, we shall not be able to bring about a change. We are concerned with psychological revolution, and this revolution can only take place when there is the right kind of relationship between human beings.
How is such a relationship to be brought about? The problem is clear, isn’t it? Please, share this problem with me, will you? It’s your problem, not my problem; it’s your life, not my life, it’s your sorrow, your trouble, your anxiety, your guilt. This battle is one’s life. If you listen merely to a description, then you will find that you are only swimming on the surface and not resolving any problem at all. It is actually your problem, and the speaker is merely describing it — knowing that the description is not the described. Let us share this problem together, which is: how can human beings, you and I, find a right relationship in all this turmoil, hatred, destruction, pollution, and among these terrible things which are going on in the world?
To find that out, it seems to me, one must examine what is taking place, see what actually "is". Not what we should like to think it should be, or try to change our relationship to a future concept, but actually observe what it is now. In observing the fact, the truth, the actuality of it, there is a possibility of changing it. As we said the other day, when there is a possibility then there is great energy. What dissipates energy is the idea that it is not possible to change.
So we must look at our relationship as it is actually now, every day; and in observing what it is, we shall discover how to bring about a change in that actuality. So we are describing what actually is, which is: each one lives in his own world, in his world of ambition, greed, fear, the desire to succeed and all the rest of it—you know what is going on. If I am married, I have responsibilities, children, and all the rest of it. I go to the office, or some place of work, and we meet each other, husband and wife, boy and a girl, in bed. And that’s what we call love, leading separate lives, isolated, building a wall of resistance round ourselves, pursuing a self-centered activity; each one is seeking security psychologically, each one is depending on the other for comfort, for pleasure, for companionship; because each one is so deeply lonely, each demands to be loved, to be cherished, each one is trying to dominate the other.
You can see this for yourself, if you observe yourself. Is there any kind of relationship at all? There is no relationship between two human beings; though they may have children, a house, actually they are not related. If they have a common project, that project sustains them, holds them together, but that’s not relationship.
Realizing all this, one sees that if there is no relationship between two human beings, then corruption begins — not in the outward structure of society, in the outer phenomenon of pollution, but inner pollution, corruption, destruction begins, when human beings have actually no relationship at all, as you haven’t. You may hold the hand of another, kiss each other, sleep together, but actually, when you observe very closely, is there any relationship at all? To be related means not to be dependent on each other, not to escape from your loneliness through another, not to try to find comfort, companionship, through another. When you seek comfort through another, are dependent and all the rest of it, can there be any kind of relationship? Or are you then using each other?
We are not being cynical, but actually observing what is: that is not cynicism. So to find out what it actually means to be related to another, one must understand this question of loneliness, because most of us are terribly lonely; the older we grow the more lonely we become, especially in this country. Have you noticed the old people, what they are like? Have you noticed their escapes, their amusements? They have worked all their lives and they want to escape into some kind of entertainment.
Seeing this, can we find a way of living in which we don’t use another? — psychologically, emotionally, not depend on another, not use another as a means of escape from our own tortures, from our own despairs, from our own loneliness.To understand this is to understand what it means to be lonely. Have you ever been lonely? Do you know what it means? — that you have no relationship with another, are completely isolated. You may be with your family, in a crowd, in the office, wherever you are, when this complete sense of utter loneliness with its despair suddenly comes upon you. Till you solve that completely, your relationship becomes a means of escape and therefore it leads to corruption, to misery. How is one to understand this loneliness, this sense of complete isolation? To understand it, one has to look at one’s own life. Is not your every action a self-centered activity? You may occasionally be charitable, generous, do something without any motive — those are rare occasions. This despair can never be dissolved through escape, but by observing it.
So we have come back to this question, which is: how to observe? How to observe ourselves, so that in that observation there is no conflict at all? Because conflict is corruption, is waste of energy, it is the battle of our life, from the moment we are born till we die. Is it possible to live without a single moment of conflict? To do that, to find that out for ourselves, one has to learn how to observe our whole movement. There is observation which becomes harmonious, which is true, when the observer is not, but only observation.
When there is no relationship can there be love? We talk about it, and love, as we know it, is related to sex and pleasure, isn’t it? Some of you say "No". When you say "No", then you must be without ambition, then there must be no competition, no division — as you and me, we and they. There must be no division of nationality, or the division brought about by belief, by knowledge. Then, only, can you say you love. But for most people love is related to sex and pleasure and all the travail that comes with it: jealousy, envy, antagonism, you know what happens between man and woman. When that relationship is not true, real, deep, completely harmonious, then how can you have peace in the world? How can there be an end to war?
So relationship is one of the most, or rather the most important thing in life. That means that one has to understand what love is. Surely, one comes upon it, strangely, without asking for it. When you find out for yourself what love is not, then you know what love is — not theoretically, not verbally — but when you realize actually what it is not, which is: not to have a mind that is competitive, ambitious, a mind that is striving, comparing, imitating; such a mind cannot possibly love.
So can you, living in this world, live completely without ambition, completely without ever comparing yourself with another? Because the moment you compare, then there is conflict, there is envy, there is the desire to achieve, to go beyond the other. Can a mind and a heart that remembers the hurts, the insults, the things that have made it insensitive and dull — can such a mind and heart know what love is? Is love pleasure? And yet that is what we are pursuing, consciously or unconsciously. Our gods are the result of our pleasure. Our beliefs, our social structure, the morality of society — which is essentially immoral — is the result of our pleasure. And when you say, "I love somebody", is it love? That means: no separation, no domination, no self-centered activity. To find out what it is, one must deny all this — deny it in the sense of seeing the falseness of it. When you once see something as false — which you have accepted as true, as natural, as human — then you can never go back to it; when you see a dangerous snake, or a dangerous animal, you never play with it, you never come near it. Similarly, when you actually see that love is none of these things, feel it, observe it, chew it, live with it, are totally committed to it, then you will know what love is, what compassion is — which means passion for everyone.
We have no passion; we have lust, we have pleasure. The root meaning of the word passion is sorrow. We have all had sorrow of some kind or another, losing somebody, the sorrow of self-pity, the sorrow of the human race, both collective and personal. We know what sorrow is, the death of someone whom you consider you have loved. When we remain with that sorrow totally, without trying to rationalize it, without trying to escape from it in any form through words or through action, when you remain with it completely, without any movement of thought, then you will find that out of that sorrow comes passion. That passion has the quality of love, and love has no sorrow.
One has to understand this whole question of existence, the conflicts, the battles: you know the life that one leads, so empty, so meaningless. The intellectuals try to give it a meaning and we also want to find significance in life, because life has no meaning as it is lived. Has it? The constant struggle, the endless work, the misery, the suffering, the travail that one goes through in life, all that has actually no meaning — we go through it as a habit. But to find out what the significance is, one must also understand the significance of death; because living and dying go together, they are not two separate things.
So one must inquire what it means to die, because that is part of our living. Not something in the distant future, to be avoided, only to be faced when one is desperately ill, in old age or in an accident, or on a battlefield. As it is part of our daily life to live without a single breath of conflict, so it is part of our life to find out what it means to love. That is also part of our existence, and one must understand it.
How do we understand what death is? When you are dying, at the last moment, can you understand the way you have lived—the strains, the emotional struggles, the ambitions, the drive? You are probably unconscious and that makes you incapable of clear perception. Then there is the deterioration of the mind in old age and all the rest of it. So one has to understand what death is now, not tomorrow. As you observe, thought does not want to think about it. It thinks about all the things it will do tomorrow — how to make new inventions, better bathrooms, all the things that thought can think about. But it does not want to think about death, because it does not know what it means.
Is the meaning of death to be found through the process of thought? Please do share this. When we share it, then we will begin to see the beauty of all this, but if you sit there and let the speaker go on, merely listening to his words, then we don’t share together. Sharing together implies a certain quality of care, attention, affection, love. Death is a tremendous problem. The young people may say: why do you bother about it? But it is part of their life, as it is part of their life to understand celibacy. Don’t just say, "Why do you talk about celibacy, that’s for the old fogies, that’s for the stupid monks." What it means to be celibate has also been a problem for human beings, that also is part of life.
Can the mind be completely chaste? Not being able to find out how to live a chaste life, one takes vows of celibacy and goes through tortures. That is not celibacy. Celibacy is something entirely different. It is to have a mind that is free from all images, from all knowledge; which means understanding the whole process of pleasure and fear.
Similarly, one has to understand this thing called death. How do you proceed to understand something of which you are terribly frightened? Aren’t we frightened of death? Or we say, "Thank God I’m going to die, I’ve had enough of this life with all the misery of it, the confusion, the shoddiness, the brutality, the mechanical things by which one is caught, thank God all this will end!" That is not an answer; nor is it to rationalize death, or to believe in some reincarnation, as the whole Asiatic world does. To find out what reincarnation means, which is to be born in a future existence, you must find out what you are now. If you believe in reincarnation, what are you now? — a lot of words, a lot of experience, of knowledge; you are conditioned by various cultures, you are all the identifications of your life, your furniture, your house, your bank account, your experiences of pleasure and pain. That’s what you are, aren’t you? The remembrance of the failures, the hopes, the despairs, all that you are now, and that is going to be born in the next life — a lovely idea, isn’t it!
Or you think there is a permanent soul, a permanent entity. Is there anything permanent in you? The moment you say there is a permanent soul, a permanent entity, that entity is the result of your thinking, or the result of your hopes, because there is so much insecurity, everything is transient, in a flux, in a movement. So when you say there is something permanent, that permanency is the result of your thinking. And thought is of the past, thought is never free — it can invent anything it likes!
So if you believe in a future birth, then you must know that the future is conditioned by the way you live now, what you do now, what you think, what your acts are, your ethics. So what you are now, what you do now, matters tremendously. But those people who believe in a future birth don’t give a pin about what happens now, it’s just a matter of belief.
So, how do you find out what death means, when you are living with vitality, with energy, full of health? Not when you are unbalanced, or ill, not at the last moment, but now, knowing the organism must inevitably wear out, like every machinery. Unfortunately we use our machinery so disrespectfully, don’t we? Knowing the physical organism comes to an end, have you ever thought about what it means to die? You can’t think about it. Have you ever experimented to find out what it means to die psychologically, inwardly? — not how to find immortality, because eternity, that which is timeless, is now, not in some distant future. To inquire into that, one must understand the whole problem of time; not only chronological time, by the watch, but the time that thought has invented as a gradual process of change.
How does one find out about this strange thing that we all have to meet one day or another? Can you die psychologically today, die to everything that you have known? For instance: to die to your pleasure, to your attachment, your dependence, to end it without arguing, without rationalizing, without trying to find ways and means of avoiding it. Do you know what it means to die, not physically, but psychologically, inwardly? Which means to put an end to that which has continuity; to put an end to your ambition, because that’s what’s going to happen when you die, isn’t it? You can’t carry it over and sit next to God! (Laughter) When you actually die, you have to end so many things without any argument. You can’t say to death, "Let me finish my job, let me finish my book, all the things I have not done, let me heal the hurts which I have given others" — you have no time.
So can you find out how to live a life now, today, in which there is always an ending to everything that you began? Not in your office of course, but inwardly to end all the knowledge that you have gathered — knowledge being your experiences, your memories, your hurts, the comparative way of living, comparing yourself always with somebody else. To end all that every day, so that the next day your mind is fresh and young. Such a mind can never be hurt, and that is innocence.
One has to find out for oneself what it means to die; then there is no fear, therefore every day is a new day — and I really mean this, one can do this — so that your mind and your eyes see life as something totally new. That is eternity. That is the quality of the mind that has come upon this timeless state, because it has known what it means to die every day to everything it has collected during the day. Surely, in that there is love. Love is something totally new every day, but pleasure is not, pleasure has continuity. Love is always new and therefore it is its own eternity.
Do you want to ask any questions?
Questioner: Supposing, Sir, that through complete, objective, self-observation I find that I am greedy, sensual, selfish and all that. Then how can I know whether this kind of living is good or bad, unless I have already some preconceptions of the good? If I have these preconceptions, they can only derive from self-observation.
Krishnamurti: Quite, Sir.
Questioner: I also find another difficulty. You seem to believe in sharing, but at the same time you say that two lovers, or husband and wife, cannot base their love, shouldn’t base their love, on comforting each other. I don’t see anything wrong in comforting each other — that is sharing.
Krishnamurti: The gentleman says, "One must have a concept of the good, otherwise, why should one give up all this ambition, greed, envy and all the rest of it?" You can have a formula or a concept of what is better, but can you have a concept of what is good?
Questioner: Yes, I think so.
Krishnamurti: Can thought produce what is good?
Questioner: No, I meant the conception of such good.
Krishnamurti: Yes Sir. The conception of good is the product of thought; otherwise how can you conceive what is good?
Questioner: The conceptions can only be derived from our self-observation.
Krishnamurti: I’m just pointing that out, Sir. Why should you have a concept of the good at all?
Questioner: Otherwise how do I know whether my life is good or bad?
Krishnamurti: Just listen to the question. Don’t we know what conflict is? Do I have to have a concept of non-conflict before I am aware of conflict? I know what conflict is — the struggle, the pain. Don’t I know that, without knowing a state when there is no conflict? When I formulate what is good, I will formulate it according to my conditioning, according to my way of thinking, feeling, my particular idiosyncrasy and all the rest of my cultural conditioning. Is the good to be projected by thought? — and will thought then tell me what is good and bad in my life? Or has goodness nothing whatsoever to do with thought, or with a formula? Where does goodness flower? — do tell me. In a concept? In some idea, in some ideal that lies in the future? A concept means a future, a tomorrow. It may be very far away, or very close, but it is still in time. And when you have a concept, projected by thought — thought being the response of memory, the response of accumulated knowledge depending on the culture in which you have lived — do you find that goodness in the future, created by thought? Or do you find it when you begin to understand conflict, pain and sorrow? So in the understanding of "what is" — not by comparing "what is" with "what should be" — in that understanding flowers goodness. Surely, goodness has nothing whatsoever to do with thought — has it? Has love got anything to do with thought? Can you cultivate love by formulating it and saying "My ideal of love is that"? Do you know what happens when you cultivate love? You are not loving. You think you will have love at some future date; in the meantime you are violent. So is goodness the product of thought? Is love the product of experience, of knowledge? What was the second question, Sir?
Questioner: The second question was about sharing.
Krishnamurti: What do you share? What are we sharing now? We talked about death, we talked about love, about the necessity of total revolution, about complete psychological change, not to live in the old pattern of formulas, of struggle, pain, imitation, conformity and all the rest of those things man has lived for through millennia and has produced this marvellous, messy world! We have talked about death. How do we share that together? — share the understanding of it, not the verbal statement, not the description, not the explanations of it? What does sharing mean? — to share the understanding, to share the truth which comes with the understanding. And what does understanding mean? You tell me something which is serious, which is vital, which is relevant, important, and I listen to it completely, because it is vital to me. To listen vitally, my mind must be quiet, mustn’t it? If I am chattering, if I am looking somewhere else, if I am comparing what you are saying with what I know, my mind is not quiet. It is only when my mind is quiet and listens completely, that there is understanding of the truth of the thing, that we share together. Otherwise we can’t share; we can’t share the words — we can only share the truth of something. You and I can only see the truth of something when the mind is totally committed to the observation. To see the beauty of a sunset, the lovely hills, the shadows and the moonlight — how do you share it with a friend? By telling him, "Do look at that marvelous hill"? You may say it, but is that sharing? When you actually share something with another, it means you must both have the same intensity, at the same time, at the same level. Otherwise you can’t share, can you? You must both have a common interest, at the same level, with the same passion — otherwise how can you share something? You can share a piece of bread — but that’s not what we are talking about. To see together — which is sharing together — we must both of us see; not agree or disagree, but see together what actually is; not interpret it according to my conditioning or your conditioning, but see together what it is. And to see together one must be free to observe, one must be free to listen. That means to have no prejudice. Then only, with that quality of love, is there sharing.
Questioner: How can one quieten, or free the mind, from interruptions by the past?
Krishnamurti: You cannot quieten the mind: full stop! Those are tricks. You can take a pill and make the mind quiet—you absolutely cannot make the mind quiet, because you are the mind. You can’t say, "I will make my mind quiet". Therefore one has to understand what meditation is—actually, not what other people say it is. One has to find out whether the mind can ever be quiet; not: how to make the mind quiet. So one has to go into this whole question of knowledge, and whether the mind, the brain cells, which are loaded with all the past memories, can be absolutely quiet and come into function when necessary; and when it is not necessary, be completely and wholly quiet.
Questioner: Sir, when you speak of relationships, you speak always of a man and a woman or a girl and a boy. Will the same things you say about relationships also apply to a man and a man, or a woman and a woman?
Krishnamurti: Homosexuality?
Questioner: If you wish to give it that name, Sir, yes.
Krishnamurti: You see, when we are talking of love, whether it is of man and man, woman and woman, or man and woman, we are not talking of a particular kind of relationship, we are talking about the whole movement, the whole sense of relationship, not a relationship of two. Don’t you know what it means to be related to the world? — when you feel you are the world. Not as an idea — that’s appalling — but actually to feel that you are responsible, that you are committed to this responsibility. That is the only commitment; not to be committed through bombs, or committed to a particular activity, but to feel that you are the world and the world is you. Unless you change completely, radically, and bring about a total mutation in yourself, do what you will outwardly, there will be no peace for man. If you feel that in your blood, then your questions will be related entirely to the present and to bringing about a change in the present, not to some speculative ideals.
Questioner: The last time we were together, you were telling us that if someone has a painful experience and it is not fully faced, is avoided, it goes into the unconscious as a fragment. How are we to free ourselves from these fragments of painful and fearful experiences, so that the past won’t have a grip on us?
Krishnamurti: Yes, Sir, that is conditioning. How does one free oneself from this conditioning? How do I free myself from my conditioning of the culture in which I was born? First, I must be aware that I am conditioned — not somebody telling me that I am conditioned. You understand the difference? If somebody tells me I am hungry, that’s something different from actually being hungry. So I must be aware of my conditioning, which means, I must be aware of it not only superficially, but at the deeper levels. That is, I must be aware totally. To be so aware, means that I am not trying to go beyond the conditioning, not trying to be free of the conditioning. I must see it as it actually is, not bring in another element, such as wanting to be free of it, because that is an escape from actuality. I must be aware. What does that mean? To be aware of my conditioning totally, not partially, means my mind must be highly sensitive, mustn’t it? Otherwise I can’t be aware. To be sensitive means to observe everything very, very closely — the colors, the quality of people, all the things around me. I must also be aware of what actually is without any choice. Can you do that? — not trying to interpret it, not trying to change it, not trying to go beyond it or trying to be free of it — just to be totally aware of it.
When you observe a tree, between you and the tree there is time and space, isn’t there? And there is also the botanical knowledge about it, the distance between you and the tree — which is time — and the separation which comes through knowledge of the tree. To look at that tree without knowledge, without the time-quality, does not mean identifying yourself with the tree, but to observe the tree so attentively, that the boundaries of time don’t come into it at all; the boundaries of time come in only when you have knowledge about the tree. Can you look at your wife, or your friend, or whatever it is without the image? The image is the past, which has been put together by thought, as nagging, bullying, dominating, as pleasure, companionship and all that. It is the image that separates; it is the image that creates distance and time. Look at that tree, or the flower, the cloud, or the wife or the husband, without the image!
If you can do that, then you can observe your conditioning totally; then you can look at it with a mind that is not spotted by the past, and therefore the mind itself is free of conditioning.
To look at myself — as we generally do — I look as an observer looking at the observed: myself as the observed and the observer looking at it. The observer is the knowledge, is the past, is time, the accumulated experiences — he separates himself from the thing observed.
Now, to look without the observer! You do this when you are completely attentive. Do you know what it means to be attentive? Don’t go to school to learn to be attentive! To be attentive means to listen without any interpretation, without any judgment — just to listen. When you are so listening there is no boundary, there is no "you" listening. There is only a state of listening. So when you observe your conditioning, the conditioning exists only in the observer, not in the observed. When you look without the observer, without the "me" — his fears, his anxieties and all the rest of it — then you will see, you enter into a totally different dimension.
April 24, 1971, New York.
Reprinted from The Awakening of Intelligence
Sit in a comfortable position that enables you to keep your back straight. Relax your abdomen, drop your shoulders. Let your eyes rest 1 metre in front of you. Take a few deep breaths and let your breathing return to normal.
Feel your body breathing. Feel the air enter your body, fill your body, and leave your body.
Thoughts will arise and pass away. Feeling will arise and pass away. You may hear sounds, smell odors, see sights, feel sensations. Just notice them, resisting nothing, holding on to nothing (resisting no thing, holding on to no thing), allowing everything to be as it is.
Just sit - not trying to accomplish anything, not trying to change anything, especially yourself. Breayhe in and breath out.
Aware Right here
Alert Right now
Attentive Accepting what is
Present Simply noticing
----------- allow about 10 minutes ------------------
Sit or lie in a comfortable position. Breathe slowly and easily. Close your eyes. After a few minutes, picture a jar in front of you. The purpose of the jar is to hold your thoughts. Take each thought as it comes to you and put it in the jar. Watch closely each time you recognize a thought, put it in the jar ...
Now take one thought out and concentrate on it for a moment.
Check in after a bit to see if you're still concentrating on that thought.
Now put it back in the jar with the others and see if you can let them all go for a moment, knowing that you can go back and think about any of them at some other time.
(From That which you are seeking is causing you to seek by Cheri Huber)
We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave
in certain ways - ways we react and behave when we love someone.
When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to bloom.
A man's sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.
To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn't know what to do or that he can't do it on his own.
A woman's sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships.
Generally speaking, when a woman offers unsolicited advice or tries to "help" a man, she has no idea of how critical and unloving she may sound to him.
Many times a woman just wants to share her feelings about her day, and her husband, thinking he is helping, interrupts her by offering a steady flow of solutions to her problems.
When our partner resists us it is probably because we have made a mistake in our timing or approach.
A man wants to make improvements when he feels he is being approached as the solution to a problem rather than as the problem itself.
To feel better men go into isolation to solve problems alone.
To feel better women get together and openly talk about their problems.
A woman under stress is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood.
To forget her own painful feelings a woman may become emotionally involved in the problems of others.
Just as a man is fulfilled through working out the intricate details of solving a problem, a woman is fulfilled through talking about the details of her problems.
Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed ....
Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.
Given the opportunity to prove his potential, a man expresses his best self.
Only when he feels he cannot succeed does he regress back to his old selfish
ways.
Not to be needed is a slow death for a man.
A woman's tendency to be compulsive relaxes as she remembers that she is worthy of love - she doesn't have to earn it; she can relax, give less, and receive more. She deserves it.
A man's deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent.
Just as women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving.
It is difficult for a man to listen to a woamn when she is unhappy or dissappointed because he feels like a failure.
To fully express their feelings, women assume poetic license to use various superlatives, metaphors, and generalizations.
The biggest challenge for women is correctly to interpret and support a man when he isn't talking.
When a man is silent it is easy for a woman to imagine the worst.
It is very difficult for a man to differentiate between empathy and sympathy. He hates to be pitied.
When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer.
A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy.
To a certain extent a man loses himself through connecting with his partner.
A woman's self-esteem rises and falls like a wave.
When she hits bottom it is time for emotional housecleaning.
In relationships, men pull back in order to get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others.
Even when a man is succeeding in supporting a woman she may become even more upset.
When negative feelings are suppressed positive feelings become suppressed as well, and love dies.
Men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset. Men want space while women want understanding.
By supporting her need to be heard she could support his need to be free.
It puts too much pressure on a man to make him the only source of love and support.
As woman's finacial needs are fulfilled she becomes more aware of her emotional needs.
The primary needs of a woman is caring, understanding, respect, devotion,
validation and reassurance.
The primary needs of a man is trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration,
approval and encouragement.
Fulfilling a primary need is required before one is able to receive and appreciate the other kinds of love.
A man commonly make the mistake of thinking that once he has met a woman's primary love needs, ans she feels happy and secure, that she should know from then on that she is loved.
The secret of empowering a man is never to try to change him or improve him.
The best way of emowering a man is never to try to change him or improve him.
The best way to help a man grow is to let go of trying to change him in any way.
Just as communication is the most important element in a relationship, arguments can be the most destructive element.
Most couples start out arguing about one thing and, within five minutes, are arguing about the way they are arguing.
Intimidation always weakens trust in a relationship.
men rarely say "I'm sorry" because on mara it means you have done something wrong and you are apologizing.
Most arguments escalate when a man begins to invalidate a woman's feelings and she responds to him disapprovingly.
The most common way women unknowingly start arguments is by not being direct when they share their feelings.
One pair of problems from which arguments arise:
Men are most prone to argue when they have made a mistake or upset the woman they love.
When a woman keeps score, no matter how big or small a gift of love is, it scores one point; each gift has equal value.
Most men strive for greater and greater success because they believe it will make them worthy of love.
Certainly a man also requires equal participation from a woman in doing the domestic duties of day-to-day life, but if he is not appreciated, then her contribution is nearly meaningless and completely unimportant to him.
When a man is in a negative state, ... treat him like a passing tornado and lie low.
Ironically, the very act of avoiding our negative emotions gives them the power to control our lives.
Books can inspire you to love yourself more, but by listening to, writing out, or verbally expressing your feelings you can actually doing it.
To grow in our ability to love ourselves we need to receive love as well.
When you take the time to listen to your feelings you are in effect saying to the little feeling person inside "You matter. You deserve to be heard and I care enough to listen."
If a woman is not asking for support a man assumes he is giving enough.
When a man hears a demanding tone, no matter how nicely you phrase your request, all he hears is that he is not giving enough. His tendency is then to give less until you appreciate what he is already giving.
When asking a man for support, assume he doesn't have to be convinced.
Men are much more willing to say yes if they have the freedom to say no.
When you ask a man for support and you do not reject him for saying no, he will remember that, and next time he will be much more willing to give.
When a man grumbles it is a good sign - he is trying to consider your request versus his needs.
One of the key elements of assertive asking is to remain silent after you have asked for support.
It is a paradox: because you feel safe with your partner, your deepest fears have a chance to surface. When they surface you become afraid and are unable to share what you feel.
(From Men are from mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray)
The Moon was just coming out of the sea into a valley of clouds. The waters were still blue, and Orion was faintly visible in the pale silver sky. The white waves were all along the shore, and the fishermen's huts, square, neat and dark against the white sands, were close to the water. The walls of these huts were made of bamboo, and the roofs were thatched with palm leaves laid one on top of another, sloping downward so that the heavy rains couldn't come inside. Completely round and full, the moon was making a path of light on the moving waters, and it was huge - you couldn't have held it in your arms. Rising above the valley of clouds, it had the heavens to itself. The sound of the sea was unceasing, and yet there was great silence.
You never remain with any feeling, pure and simple, but always surround it with the paraphernalia of words. The word distorts it; thought, whirling around it, throws it into shadow, overpowers it with mountainous fears and longings. You never remain with a feeling, and with nothing else: with hate, or with that strange feeling of beauty. When the feeling of hate arises, you say how bad it is; there is the compulsion, the struggle to overcome it, the turmoil of thought about it. You want to remain with love; but you break it up, calling it personal or impersonal; you cover it with words, giving it the ordinary meaning, or by saying that it is universal; you think of someone whom you love, or who loves you. There is every kind of verbal movement.
Try remaining with the feeling of hate, with the feeling of envy, jealousy, with the venom of ambition; for after all, that's what you have in daily life, though you may want to live with love, or with the WORD `love'. Since you have the feeling of hate, of wanting to hurt somebody with a gesture or a burning word, see if you can stay with that feeling. Can you? Have you ever tried? Try to remain with a feeling and see what happens. You will find it amazingly difficult. Your mind will not leave the feeling alone; it comes rushing in with its remembrances, its associations, its do's and don'ts, its everlasting chatter. Pick up a piece of shell. Can you look at it, wonder at its delicate beauty, without saying how pretty it is, or what animal made it? Can you look without the movement of the mind? Can you live with the feeling without the word, without the feeling that the word brings up? If you can, then you will discover an extraordinary thing, a movement beyond the measure of time, a spring that knows no summer.
She was a small, elderly lady, with white hair and a face that was heavily lined, for she had borne many children; but there was nothing weak or feeble about her, and her smile conveyed the depth of her feeling. Her hands were wrinkled but strong, and they had evidently prepared many vegetables, for the right thumb and forefinger were covered with tiny cuts, which had become darkened. But they were fine hands - hands that had worked hard and wiped away many tears. She spoke quietly and hesitantly, with the voice of one who had suffered much; and she was very orthodox; for she belonged to an ancient caste that held itself high, and whose tradition it was to have no dealings with other groups, either through marriage or through commerce. They were people who were supposed to cultivate the intellect as a means to something other than the mere acquisition of things.
For a while neither of us spoke; she was gathering herself, and was not sure how to begin. She looked around the room, and seemed to approve of its bareness. There wasn't even a chair, or a flower, except for the one that could be seen just outside the window.
"I am now seventy-five," she began, "and you could be my son. How proud I would be of such a son! It would be a blessing. But most of us have no such happiness. We produce children who grow up and become men of the world, trying to be great in their little work. Though they may occupy high positions, they have no greatness in them. One of my sons is in the capitol, and he has a great deal of power, but I know his heart as only a mother can. Speaking for myself, I don't want anything from anybody; I don't want more money, or a bigger house. I mean to live a simple life to the very end. My children laugh at my orthodoxy, but I mean to continue in it. They smoke, drink and often eat meat, thinking nothing of it. Though I love them, I will not eat with them, for they have become unclean; and why should I, in my old age, pander to all their nonsense? They want to marry outside of caste, and they don't perform the religious rites or practice meditation, as their father did. He was a religious man, but . . ." She stopped talking, and considered what she was going to say.
"I didn't come here to talk about my family," she continued, "but I am glad to have said what I did. My sons will go their way, and I cannot hold them, though it saddens me to see what they are coming to. They are losing and not gaining, even though they have money and position. When their names appear in the papers, as often happens, they show me the papers proudly; but they will be like the common run of men, and the quality of our forefathers is fast disappearing. They are all becoming merchants, selling their talents, and I can't do anything to stem the tide. But that's enough about my children."
Again she stopped talking, and this time it was going to be more difficult to speak of what was within her heart. With lowered head she was thinking how to put the words together, but they wouldn't come. She refused to be helped, and was not embarrassed to remain silent for a time. Presently she began.
"It's difficult to speak of things that are very deep isn't it? One can talk of matters that do not lie too deeply, but it requires a certain confidence in oneself and the listener to broach a problem, the very existence of which one has hardly admitted even to oneself for fear of awakening the echo of darker things that have been asleep for so long. In this case it isn't that I don't trust the listener," she added quickly. "I have more than confidence in you. But to put certain feelings into words is not easy, especially when one has never before expressed them in words. The feelings are familiar, but the words to describe them are not. Words are terrible things, aren't they? But I know you are not impatient, and I shall go at my own pace."
"You know how young people marry in the country, not by their own choice. My husband and I were married in that way many years ago. He was not a kindly man; he had a quick temper and was given to sharp words. Once he beat me; but I became used to many things in the course of my married life. Though as a child I used to play with my brothers and sisters, I spent a great deal of time by myself, and I have always felt apart, alone. In living with my husband, that feeling was pushed into the background; there were so many things to do. I was kept very busy with housekeeping, and with the joy and the pain of bearing and raising children. Nevertheless, the feeling of being alone would still creep over me, and I would want to think about it, but there wasn't time; so it would pass over me like a wave, and I would go on with what I had to do."
"When the children had grown up, educated, and were out on their own - my husband and I lived quietly until he died five years ago. Since his death, this feeling of being alone has come over me more often; it has gradually increased until now, and I am fully immersed in it. I have tried to get away from it by doing puja, by talking to some friend, but it's always there; and it's an agony, a fearsome thing. My son has a radio, but I can't escape from this feeling through such means, and I don't like all that noise. I go to the temple; but this sense of being utterly alone is with me on the way, while I am there, and coming back. I am not exaggerating, but only describing this thing as it is." She paused for a moment, and then continued.
"The other day my son brought me along to your talk. I couldn't follow all that you were saying, but you mentioned something about aloneness, and the purity of it; so perhaps you will understand." There were tears in her eyes.
To find out if there is something deeper, something beyond the feeling that comes upon you, and in which you are caught, you must first understand this feeling, must you not?
"Will this agonizing feeling of being alone lead me to God?" she inquired anxiously.
What do you mean by being alone?
"It is difficult to put that feeling into words, but I will try. It is a fear that comes when one feels to be completely alone, entirely by oneself, utterly cut off from everything. Though my husband and children were there, this wave would come upon me, and I would feel as if I were a dead tree in a wasted land: lonely, unloved and unloving. The agony of it was much more intense than that of bearing a child. It was fearful and breathtaking; I didn't belong to anyone; there was a sense of complete isolation. You understand, don't you?"
Most people have this feeling of loneliness, this sense of isolation, with its fear, only they smother it, run away from it, get themselves lost in some form of activity, religious or otherwise. The activity in which they indulge is their escape, they can get lost in it, and that's why they defend it so aggressively.
"But I have tried my best to run away from this feeling of isolation, with its fear, and I have never been able to. Going to the temple doesn't help; and even if it did, one can't be there all the time, any more than one can spend one's life performing rituals."
Not to have found an escape may be your salvation. In their fear of being lonely, of feeling cut off, some take to drink, others take drugs, while many turn to politics, or find some other way of escape. So you see, you are fortunate in not having found a means of avoiding this thing. Those who avoid it do a great deal of mischief in the world; they are really harmful people, for they give importance to things that are not of the highest significance. Often, being very clever and capable, such people mislead others by their devotion to the activity which is their escape; if it isn't religion, it's politics, or social reform - anything to get away from themselves. They may seem to be selfless, but they are actually concerned with themselves, only in a different way. They become leaders, or the followers of some teacher; they always belong to something, or practice some method, or pursue an ideal. They are never just themselves; they are not human beings, but labels. So you see how fortunate you are to not have found an escape?
"You mean its dangerous to escape?" she asked, somewhat bewildered.
Isn't it? A deep wound must be examined, treated, healed; it's no good covering it up, or refusing to look at it.
"That's true. And this feeling of isolation is such a wound?"
It's something you don't understand, and in that sense it's like a disease that will keep on recurring; so it's meaningless to run away from it. You have tried running away, but it keeps overtaking you, doesn't it?
"It does. Then you are glad that I haven't found an escape?"
Aren't you? Which is more important?
"I think I understand what you have explained, and I am relieved that there's some hope."
Now let's both examine the wound. To examine something, you mustn't be afraid of the thing you're going to see, must you? If you are afraid, you won't look; you will turn your head away. When you had babies, you looked at them as soon as possible after they were born. You weren't concerned with whether they were ugly or beautiful; you looked at them with love, didn't you?
"That's exactly what I did. I looked at each new baby with love, with care, and pressed it to my heart."
In the same way, with affection, we must examine this feeling of being cut off, this sense of isolation, of loneliness, mustn't we? If we are fearful, anxious, we shall be incapable of examining it at all.
"Yes, I see the difficulty. I haven't really looked at it before, because I was fearful of what I might see. But now I think I can look."
Surely, this ache of loneliness is only the final exaggeration of what we all feel in a minor way every day, isn't it? Every day you are isolating yourself, cutting yourself off, aren't you?
"How?" she asked, rather horrified.
In so many ways. You belong to a certain family, to a special caste; they are your children, your grandchildren; it is your belief, your God, your property; you are more virtuous than somebody else; you know, and the other does not. All this is a way of cutting yourself off, a way of isolation, isn't it?
"But we are brought up that way, and one has to live. We can't cut ourselves off from society, can we?"
Is this not what you are already doing? In this relationship called society, every human being is cutting himself off from another by his position, by his ambition, by his desires for fame, power, and so on; but he has to live in this brutal relationship with others like himself, so the whole thing is glossed over and made respectable by pleasant sounding words. In everyday life, each one is devoted to his own interests, though it may be in the name of country, in the name of peace, or God, and so this isolating process goes on. One becomes aware of this whole process in the form of intense loneliness, a feeling of complete isolation. Thought, which has been giving all importance to itself, isolating itself as the `me', the ego, has finally come to the point of realizing that it's held in the prison of it's own making.
"I'm afraid all this is a bit difficult to follow at my age, and I'm not too well educated either."
This has nothing to do with being educated. It needs thinking through, that's all. You feel lonely, isolated, and if you could, you would run away from that feeling; but fortunately for yourself, you have been unable to find a means of doing so. Since you have found no way out, you are now in a position to look at that from which you have been trying to escape; but you can't look at it if you are afraid of it, can you?
"I see that."
Doesn't your difficulty lie in the fact that the word itself makes trouble?
"I don't understand what you mean."
You have associated certain words with this feeling that comes over you, words like `loneliness', `isolation', `fear', `being cut off'. Isn't that so?
"Yes."
Now, just as your son's name doesn't prevent you from perceiving and understanding his real qualities and make-up, so you must not let such words as `isolation', `loneliness', `fear', `being cut off', interfere with your examination of the feeling they have come to represent.
"I see what you mean. I have always looked at my children in that direct way."
And when you look at this feeling in this same direct way, what happens? Don't you find that the feeling itself isn't frightening, but only what you think about the feeling? It is the mind, thought that brings fear to the feeling, isn't it?
"Yes, that's right; at this moment I understand that very well. But will I be capable of understanding it when I leave here, and you are not there to explain?"
Of course. It is like seeing a cobra. Having once seen it you can never mistake it; you don't have to depend on anybody to tell you what a cobra is. Similarly, when once you have understood this feeling, that understanding is always with you; when once you have learned to look, you have the capacity to see. But one must go through and beyond this feeling, for there is much more to be discovered. There is an aloneness which is not this loneliness, this sense of isolation. That state of aloneness is not a remembrance or a recognition; it is untouched by the mind, by the word, by the society, by tradition. It is a benediction.
"In this one hour I have learned more than in all my seventy-five years. May this benediction be with you and me."
Assumptions haunt people, much more than they know. People generally deal with
situations by means of assumptions.
This habit is useful, it can mean that you do not have to think.
If you see a man in a blue uniform you assume he is a policeman. That is why
admirals are regularly mistaken for ticket-collectors on railway stations.
Do not make assumptions all the time, and do not let your life be ruled by
assumptions.
Remember the sad case of a sign-writer who lost a commission because he made
a wrong assumption.
A lady asked him to paint a notice about the dog to put at her front door. He
lost the job because he produced one saying:
"Beware of the Dog."
"You stupid man." said the lady, the notice I wanted was "Don't wake the dog"
How to start a war? nurture your own latent hunger for power. Forget that only
madmen pursue power for its own sake. Let such madmen gain power - even you.
Let such madmen act behind their conventional masks of sanity. Whether their
masks be fashioned from the delusions of defense or the theological aura of
law, war will come.
--Gowachin aphorism
All sentient beings are created unequal. The best society provides each with
equal opportunity to float at his own level.
--The Gowachin Primary
Law must retain useful ways to break with the traditional forms because nothing
is more certain than the forms of Law remain when all justice is gone.
--Gowachin aphorism
We will now explore the particular imprint which various governments make
upon the indivdual. First, be sure you recognize the primary governing force.
For example, take a careful look at Human history. Humans have been known to
submit to many contraints: to rule by Autarchs, by Plutarchs, by the power
seekers of the many Republics, by Oligarchs, by tyrant majorities and
Minorities, by the hidden suasuions of Polls, by profound insticts and
shallow juvenilities. And always, the governing force as we wish you now to
understand this concept was whatever the individual believe had control over
his immediate survival. Survival sets the pattern of imprint. During much of
Human history (and the pattern is similar with most sentient species)
Corporation presidents held more survival in their casual remarks than did the
figurehead officials. We of the ConSentiency cannot forget this as we keep
watch on the Multiworld Corporations. We dare not even forget it of ourselves.
Where you work for your own survival, this dominates your imprint, this
dominates what you believe
--Instruction Manual
Bureau of Sabotage
Every government is run by liars and nothing they say should be believed.
--Attributed to an ancient Human journalist
All persons act from beliefs they are conditioned not to question, from a set of
deeply seated prejudices. Therefore, whoever presumes to judge must be asked:
"How are you affronted?" And this judge must begin there to question inwardly
as well as outwardly.
--"The Question"
from the Ritual of the Courtarena Guide to Servants of the Box
The military mentality is a bandit and raider mentality. Thus, all military
represents a form of organized banditry where the conventional mores do not
prevail. The military is a way of rationalizing murder, rape, looting, and
other forms of theft which are always accepted as part of warfare. When denied
an outside target, the military mentality always turns against its own
civilian population, using identical rationalizations for bandit behaviour.
--BuSab manual, Chapter Five: "The Warlord Syndrome"
People always devise their own justifications. Fixed and immovable Law merely
provides a convenient structure within which to hang your justifications and
the prejudices behind them. The only universally acceptable law for mortals
would be one which fitted every justification. What obvious nonsense. Law must
expose prejudice and question justification. Thus, Law must be flexible, must
change to fit new demands. Otherwise, it become merely the justification of the
powerful.
--Gowachin Law
(The BuSab Translation)
If you think of yourself as helpless and ineffectual, it is certain that you
will create a despotic government to be your master. The wise despot, therefore,
maintains among his subjects a popular sense that they are helpless and
ineffectual.
--The Dosadi Lesson: A Gowachin Assessment
When the means of great violence are widespread, nothing is more dangerous to
the powerful than that they create outrage and injustice, for outrage and
injustice will certainly ignite retaliation in kind.
--BuSab Manual
The attack by those who want to die - this is the attack against which you
cannot prepare a perfect defence.
--Human aphorism
The more control, the more that requires control. This is the road to chaos.
--PanSpechi aphorism
QUESTION: Who governs the governors?
ANSWER: Entropy.
-- Gowachin riddle
Given the proper leverage at the proper point, any sentient awareness may be
exploded into astonishing self-understanding.
--from an ancient Human mystic
The music of a civilisation has far-reaching consequences on consciousness and,
thus, influences the basic nature of a society. Music and its rhythms divert
and compel the awareness, describing the limits within which a consciousness,
thus fascinated, may operate. Control the music, then, and you own a powerful
tool with which to shape the society.
--The Dosadi Analysis, BuSab Document
There are some forms of insanity which, driven to an ultimate expression, can
become the new models of sanity.
--BuSab Manual
Krishnamurthy inquired about the July 1983 incidents in Sri Lanka and he was horrified to learn at first hand about some of the attacks and the resulting plight of the Tamil people. He had been thinking about visiting Sri Lanka at the end of the year but had decided against going. The conversation at the lunch table was easy and informal. Krishnaji spoke about his love for fast cars in the days of his youth. He related a joke about a Soviet astronaut. There was this Soviet astronaut, he said, who had gone to the moon and returned to Moscow. The astronaut was feted by the Soviet people and the final reception before his world tour was held in the Kremlin. The Kremlin reception rooms, with their high domes, huge chandeliers and plush red carpets were packed to capacity. The Soviet President, Brezhnev took the astronaut to a quiet corridor and asked: "Tell me, when you went up there, did you see God?". The astronaut, looked around cautiously and replied in a whisper "Yes, I did." Brezhnev said: "I thought as much, but make certain that you do not tell anybody else about this."
I smiled and Krishnamurthy went on. The astronaut left on his world tour and he was given grand receptions in Germany, in England and in the United States. The final reception of the world tour was in the Vatican in Rome.
The reception rooms in the Vatican with their high domes, huge chandeliers and plush red carpets were packed to capacity. The Pope invited the astronaut to a secluded corridor and asked: " Tell me, when you went up there, did you see God?"
The astronaut looked around cautiously, and remembering Brezhnev's command, replied: "No, I did not see God." The Pope said: "I thought as much, but please do not tell anybody else about this." All of us at the table joined with Krishnaji in the laughter. The conversation then turned to the possibility of Krishnamurthy addressing the United Nations.
Three Mice
Three mice went to steal oil. But they found that there was only a little oil left and the jar was too high for them to drink it. So they thought of a solution: One mouse would hold the tail of the other between his teeth. In this way the last one could drink the oil, and each of them could take turns drinking it. They swore that no one should be selfish. The mouse that drank the oil first thought, "There is only a little oil and I'm lucky to drink first. So I'll drink my fill."
The mouse in the middle said to himself, "There isn't much oil: What shall I drink if he finishes it? Better let go of him and then I can jump down to have a drink."
The third one standing on the edge of the jar thought, "There's not enough oil. Will my share be left after both of them have drunk their fill? Better let go of them and then I can jump down to have a drink."
So the second mouse let go of the first one's tail and the third one released the second one's and both jumped into the jar. As a result, all three of them were trapped in the jar for ever, unable to escape.
* This fable is from: Contemporary Chinese Fables
Socrates to His Friends
Socrates having laid for himself the foundation of a small house, one of the people, no matter who, amongst such passing remarks as are usual in these cases, asked, "Why do you, so famed as you are, build so small a house?"
"I only wish," he replied, "I could fill it with real friends."
* This fable is from: 100 World's Great Fabels
"What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or
suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch
it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it.
We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it."
Jiddu Krishnamurti
"Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total
obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and
through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see
its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
Frank Herbert
"Fear is an emotion indispensible for survival."
Hanna Arendt
"There is nothing to fear but fear."
Ludwig Boerne (1786-1837) German political writer
"One can only face in others
What one can face in oneself."
James Baldwin
"Conflict in relationships occur when people attempt to
impose their personal thought system, their personal reality, on others,
without an understanding that other people have separate frames of reference."
R. Suarez,et al., Sanity, Insanity, and Common Sense, New
York: Ballantine, 1987.
"Compassion compels us to reach out to all living beings,
including our so-called enemies, those people who upset or hurt us. Irrespective
of what they do to you, if you remember that all beings like you are only
trying to be happy, you will find it much easier to develop compassion
towards them."
The Dalai Lama
Essence is emptiness.
Everything else accidental.
Emptiness brings peace to your loving.
Everything else, disease.
In this world of trickery emptiness
is what your soul wants.
Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks
"All Buddhas preach emptiness. Why? Because they wish to crush the
concrete ideas of the students. If a student even clings to an idea of
emptiness, he betrays all Buddhas."
Bodhidharma
|
Carl Jung |
We are not just what we think we are. We are also what we think we are not. Each of us forms a sense of our personality based on our capabilities and virtues. We also define ourselves by the characteristics that we reject. If dad or mom seems rageful and dangerous, we may grow up rejecting awareness of our own anger. We might assess ourselves as being incapable of acting the way our unpleasant role model did. We tuck our own angry feelings away from consciousness. We go through life claiming not to be an angry person, but probably quite disturbed by those who are. Since anger is a legitimate expression of emotion in some circumstances, we become less flexible, less adaptable, in denying it to ourselves.All sorts of qualities of self can get put away in that part of personality psychoanalyst Carl Jung called the shadow. We may put away our capacities for lust, greed, laziness, violence, ambition, or vulnerability. We might also hide away talents that don't fit with who we think we should be, so they lie dormant. Each of us creates our own shadow based on our experience and culture. Hidden from awareness, we are protected from these characteristics of our self that would be too painful to look at. Being out of awareness, though, doesn't mean they don't have power in our lives. Where we feel shame, weakness, or inadequacy we are likely perceiving the effects of the shadow. When we overreact negatively to certain qualities in another person, we are likely driven by the power of the shadow. We least like in others what we've rejected in ourselves.
Because it is unconscious, we can't see the shadow directly. It has been formed to hide its contents from us. We can learn about our shadow indirectly. It shows itself in dreams, or slips of the tongue, or in exaggerated feelings about others. It may become evident in the negative feedback from others that tells us what we'd rather not know about ourselves. When we feel shame or humiliation, we may have been acting from our shadow self. When our anger at other people's faults seems out of proportion, it may be our own weakness that we prefer not to face that generates the heat.
Barbara Hannah, a psychotherapist, analyst and teacher at the C.G. Jung Institute describes using active imagination to reveal the personal shadow. The process could go something like this:
Sit down in a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. Concentrate on seeing or hearing whatever comes up from the unconscious. Work at keeping the images that arise from immediately sinking back into the unconscious. Give them your full attention.
Be active in this process. You are not passively watching images go by like you would in a movie. Keep your attention on the first image that presents itself. Hold on to it until it explains itself. What can it tell you of the unconscious. What does it want to know from you?
Hannah states: "There is one very important rule that should always be retained in every technique of active imagination. In the places where we enter it ourselves, we must give our full, conscious attention to what we say or do, just as much--or even more--than we would in an important outer situation. This will prevent it from remaining passive fantasy. But when we have done or said all that we want, we should be able to make our minds a blank, so that we can hear or see what the unconscious wants to say or do. "
Release any negative feelings that the images might stimulate. Be friendly and kind toward them. Acknowledge that they have a right to be in your mind. Have a dialogue with the mental image. Ask it about itself. Find out what it knows, especially what it knows about you.
Invite the image to express itself in some way. Possibly this image is non-verbal. Could it express itself through movement or dance?
Once you have come to terms with the image, let it go and see what else comes up.
Images from the unconscious can quickly slide back into the darkness, so draw, paint or write down what you saw. This will help you fix the image in your conscious mind.
What you want to do is widen the scope of consciousness. Find yourself where you didn't know you were. Bring what was hidden to light. This can be powerful emotional work. Be careful with yourself. Be compassionate toward yourself. Watch out for your mind's efforts to ignore, distort, or rationalize away what you might not want to see.
| May I carry my
light to the darkness.
May I have courage to see what I've hidden. May I be open to hearing the unthinkable. May I remember to be kind. May I grant mercy that I might receive mercy. May compassion guide me. May wisdom protect me. |
Reference: Meeting the Shadow: The Hidden Power of the Dark Side of Human Nature, edited by Connie Zweig and Jeremiah Abrams, J P Tarcher, 1991.
| Nothing is true. Everything is permissible. |
Fear is a part of life. It is a healthy response to immediate danger. It can activates us to deal with a threat, or it can freeze us into passivity in the face of overwhelming harm. This can be helpful or not depending on the circumstances.
In our daily lives most of us live in fear of unnamed, unseen imaginary demons. They may be fear of failure, success, commitment, disapproval, some person, or group of other people, or even fear of looking at ourselves and seeing who we really are. Often these fears get in the way of our being the person we really are, of actualizing our potential.
A first step in moving beyond fear is naming the demon. If you are ready to begin facing your fears try the following meditation. Don't do this if you can't feel safe. Read through the entire meditation before beginning to make sure that this is something you want to do. It may be helpful to have a trusted friend read the instructions to you as you relax.
Begin by sitting comfortably. Imagine that you are surrounded by a protective white light. Within this light is only love and compassion. Allow yourself to relax.
Turn your awareness to your breathing. As you feel each breath coming in and going out allow yourself to relax. Let your breathing deepen of itself without straining. Let each out-breath complete it's task of freeing the air in your lungs. Let each in-breath come on its own, unpressured, unhurried. Let your breath nourish your heart. Take your time.
If your mind wanders, just let go of the thoughts and bring your attention back to your breath. Let your breathing become the focus of your mind.
When you are feeling quite relaxed and feeling safe, allow yourself an awareness of some fear that has been a problem for you. Think of something in your life that causes you to experience fear. Give this fear a name.
What is this thing you are afraid of. Is it real or is it imaginary?
Remember that you are safe now. You are in a safe place and this fear is right now only an object of your mind.
Notice the sensations in your body and the mental images that come with your fear. Allow them to come and go. Do not grasp and hold them, but notice them, appreciate them as warnings that something is out of balance.
If the emotion becomes too strong, return your awareness to your breath and let go of the thought.
Let go of the feeling.
Surround yourself with the light of love and know that all is well at this moment.
Feel free to discontinue this exercise at any time.
If you are ready to face this fear, continue to breathe, continue to relax, but look the fear square in the face. Feel your own power in the face of this object of aversion. Know that you have power. You have an inner strength to withstand or defeat the aversion. Feel the sensations that come with these thoughts.
Know that the emotions you feel come only from a thought. You can name the thought. You can change the thought. You can transform the image of fear in your mind into something different. Perhaps something funny. Perhaps something beautiful.
Is there any way this fear could be helpful to you?
What else would have to happen for you to go beyond this fear?
How often are you a victim of circumstances? Is your day spoiled when the weather turns bad? Do you get upset when traffic isn't moving? If other people don't perform as expected, do your emotions turn sour? Will you let your life be spoiled by conditions beyond your control?How is it that one person can be paralyzed from the neck down in an accident and remain positive and continue to contribute, while another will completely crumble when they lose a romantic relationship?
It is not circumstances that determine your mood, it is your thinking about your circumstances. Life inevitably includes sunny days and stormy days. It inevitably includes pain and it includes loss. It doesn't help to pretend it isn't so. Some people get the impression that their lives are blessed and they should not have to face adversity. Sooner or later, though, they are going to have to face the pain that life dishes out.
Wouldn't life be better if we could accept each moment for what it is without testing it against our expectations? It doesn't take great powers of observation to see that the world is pretty loused up, but who are we to say how it should be? If the rain spoils our picnic, but saves a farmer's crop, who are we to say it shouldn't rain? If we can step out of our petty concerns and accept conditions as they are, our life experience can be beautiful. A story attributed to Buddha illustrates this:
"A man traveling across a field encountered a tiger. He fled, the tiger after him. Coming to a precipice, he caught hold of the root of a wild vine and swung himself down over the edge. The tiger sniffed at him from above. Trembling, the man looked down to where, far below another tiger was waiting to eat him. Only the vine sustained him.""Two mice, one white and one black, little by little started to gnaw away the vine. The man saw a luscious strawberry near him. Grasping the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other. How sweet it tasted!"
(From Zen Flesh, Zen Bones: A Collection of Zen and Pre-Zen Writings, compiled by Paul Reps)
Each of us is hanging over the edge of a cliff facing certain death. Once we enter the field of life, there is no retreat. Aging and death start chasing us with our first breath. No matter how tightly we grasp at that which sustains us, the passage of time will weaken our lifeline and we will come to our end. How lucky we are to have many sweet and succulent moments available to us as we await the inevitable. How lucky are those who pay attention to those moments.Tales have been told of mountain climbers who lost their grip and fell, apparently to certain death, except that they landed on a snow bank and lived. After the initial terror of falling, they experienced resignation at their pending demise and were filled with peace and even joy. Relaxing into the inevitable they felt that all was right with the world, even though they expected soon not be in it.
Spiritual climbers find the same sort of experience. The world can be a pain filled mess, but by fully accepting the true nature of things, and giving up preconceptions of how it should be, the seeker may discover a different way of being at home in the world. They find peace and they find joy. They don't cease to see or experience pain or stop trying to ease the lives of fellow beings, but they become more attuned to their circumstances and less at the mercy of events.
Notice your moods. When your mood is going bad, try to pinpoint what stimulated the change. Notice if your emotions are being spoiled by clinging to desires or preconceptions of how things ought to be.Loosen your grip on preconceptions of how things ought to be and focus your energy instead on understanding how they are.
When you find yourself upset by circumstances, step outside yourself and look at what it is about the circumstances that bothers you, and what it is about you that lets you be bothered. Are there people who wouldn't be upset in those circumstances? What kind of person would that be?
When in an unpleasant situation, calm yourself and look for some aspect of the situation that might be pleasant, humorous or interesting. Switch your focus to that. Sometimes when life can't be pleasant, at least it can be interesting.
Determine if there is something you can change about the aversive circumstances. If you have a rock in your shoe, take it out.
If there is nothing you can do about the circumstances, practice going with the flow. See if you can release your judgments and take the wild ride.
Let other people be who they are. Offer kindness, support and guidance and understand that their choice to do things differently than you would does not diminish you. You don't own anybody, and they have their own lessons to learn.
How often are we in paradise and we mistake it for hell? The sun is shining, flowers are blooming, and we are surrounded by luxury, yet it is not enough. When outer conditions are difficult, it is hard (but not impossible) to be happy, because we are busy dealing with survival issues and basic needs. But sometimes all of our physical needs are met, and still we are miserable. Misery is often a habit of mind. It can arise out of beliefs that may have served us well at one time, but no longer do. Maybe it is a belief that we are not good enough or are not worthy of good things. Sometimes misery may persist in our recollection of past conflict or hardship. Perhaps it comes from our frustration with the general unsatisfactoriness of conditions in the world.If you can see that your beliefs or memories are making your life miserable, you might do well to speak with a counselor to sort it all out and find new ways of thinking. Short of that, however, it might be possible to just let go of the misery by choosing to do it. We can make mindfulness a habit--become more conscious of our emotional state. Try to notice what you are thinking when you notice you are unhappy. Invite yourself to release the thought or belief that is causing you distress.
Sometimes we may be unhappy and the cause is not accessible to consciousness. It is not necessary to know what is making us unhappy to become happy. We can just set our intention on relinquishing the cause of our unhappiness. When you notice yourself being miserable you can say to yourself:
"I relinquish my attachment to this unhappiness.
Whatever the cause of my unhappiness, I release it now."As you do this, take a long slow breath and become more aware of your surroundings, your senses, and the state of your body. Notice the wonders around you that you have cause to be thankful for. See what happens.
Then, through the power of the Buddha, venerable Shariputra said to noble Avalokiteshvara, the bodhisattva mahasattva, "How should a son or daughter of noble family train, who wishes to practice the profound prajnaparamita?"
Addressed in this way, noble Avalokiteshvara, the bodhisattva mahasattva, said to venerable Shariputra, "O Shariputra, a son or daughter of noble family who wishes to practice the profound prajnaparamita should see in this way: seeing the five skandhas to be empty of nature. Form is emptiness; emptiness also is form. Emptiness is no other than form; form is no other than emptiness. In the same way, feeling, perception, formation, and consciousness are emptiness. Thus, Shariputra, all dharmas are emptiness. There are no characteristics. There is no birth and no cessation. There is no impurity and no purity. There is no decrease and no increase. Therefore, Shariputra, in emptiness, there is no form, no feeling, no perception, no formation, no consciousness; no eye, no ear, no nose, no tongue, no body, no mind; no appearance, no sound, no smell, no taste, no touch, no dharmas, no eye dhatu up to no mind dhatu, no dhatu of dharmas, no mind consciousness dhatu; no ignorance, no end of ignorance up to no old age and death, no end of old age and death; no suffering, no origin of suffering, no cessation of suffering, no path, no wisdom, no attainment, and no non-attainment. Therefore, Shariputra, since the bodhisattvas have no attainment, they abide by means of prajnaparamita.
Since there is no obscuration of mind, there is no fear. They transcend falsity and attain complete nirvana. All the buddhas of the three times, by means of prajnaparamita, fully awaken to unsurpassable, true, complete enlightenment. Therefore, the great mantra of prajnaparamita, the mantra of great insight, the unsurpassed mantra, the unequaled mantra, the mantra that calms all suffering, should be known as truth, since there is no deception. The prajnaparamita mantra is said in this way:
OM GATE GATE PARAGATE PARASAMGATE BODHI SVAHA
Thus, Shariputra, the bodhisattva mahasattva should train in the profound prajnaparamita.
Then the Blessed One arose from that samadhi and praised noble Avalokiteshvara, the bodhisattva mahasattva, saying, "Good, good, O son of noble family; thus it is, O son of noble family, thus it is. One should practice the profound prajnaparamita just as you have taught and all the tathagatas will rejoice."
When the Blessed One had said this, venerable Shariputra and noble Avalokiteshvara,
the bodhisattva mahasattva, that whole assembly and the world with its
gods, humans, asuras, and gandharvas rejoiced and praised the words of
the Blessed One.
Do not shed tears when I have gone but smile instead because I have lived.
Do not shut your eyes and pray to God that I'll come back but open your eyes and see all that I have left behind.
I know your heart will be empty because you cannot see me but still I want you to be full of the love we shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live only for yesterday or you can be happy for tomorrow because of what happened between us yesterday.
You can remember me and grieve that I have gone or you can cherish my memory and let it live on.
You can cry and lose yourself, become distraught and turn your back on the world or you can do what I want - smile, wipe away the tears, learn to love again and go on.
by David Harker
| Love is the law, love under will. |
